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So yesterday was Father’s Day and I spent the day with my love, the kids and not the computer!  This is the first year that the day has meant anything to me in a long time.  This is my first Father’s Day knowing my dad is no longer here.  For years I guessed on where he was and if he was even still alive and after 17 years I have my answers.  I can think about it daily, the lost time, the regrets, feeling bad for the fact that he had a stroke a couple of years after we last spoke and he felt it was God’s way of putting some silence in his life, that I didn’t get more time with him now.  But I need to remember to be grateful for the time I did have.  That we were reunited before the doctors told us that there was no hope left to be had and that I got to hear my dad tell me he loved me and missed me and that I was able to tell him the same and mean it with no grudges.  Unconditional true love is so hard to have especially when you are not in contact with your family or if you are not close.  It felt good to feel that for the few weeks I had with him.  I am grateful for whatever closure I gained, the time I had with him, that he still thought of my daily (he had my school id’s in his wallet) and all the wonderful memories that came back from being in touch with him and the items he passed on to me that I thought I’d never have.  Until recently I had one photo of my dad.  Every once in a while I’ll get upset and cry, then I remember to look at this as a positive experience and smile.  Things don’t always work out the way you want and you just have to push on.  Common sense, but something I’ve really grasped the past couple of years.

Love you dad, I hope you have the peace you were looking for and as promised I take you with me into the future.